October 27, 2019
Luke 18.9-14
+ Since I’ve been your priest here at St., Stephen’s of quite some time now, you have gotten to known some of my pet peeves. Let’s open it up. What are some of my pet peeves?
+ Since I’ve been your priest here at St., Stephen’s of quite some time now, you have gotten to known some of my pet peeves. Let’s open it up. What are some of my pet peeves?
Well, certainly only one of the big
ones as a priest is none other than: triangulation. If you want to set me off
like a rocket, try to nudge me into that fun catch-22.
Here’s essentially what
triangulation is: Sometimes people come
to me as a priest and, because they have some issue with another parishioner,
they want me to go to that other person and deal with the situation this other
person is having on their behalf.
The excuse here is that, since it is
a church issue, the “church guy” should take care of this issue for them. After
all, I must be on their side of this issue, right?
Now, to be clear, THEY don’t want to
confront the person. But they seem to think it’s somehow the priest’s job to
confront that person for them and for this particular issue that they
themselves see as something that needs to be confronted.
Before we go on from here I just
want to be clear: It is NOT the priest’s job to do this. Nowhere in my contract
does it say I am to do this kind of a job. What this triangulation does is it puts the
priest not in their rightful position as priest, but only puts them in an
awkward situation in which they can’t win. Stuck right in the middle.
One of the things I have been very
proactive about in my ministry is avoiding that ugly situation of
triangulation. Triangulation, as you can
guess, is one of the quickest “clergy killers” out there. You want your priest
out, all of you have to do is try to draw them into an ugly triangle like this.
Actually, I luckily, have not really
had to deal with triangulation much here at St. Stephen’s very often. And those
times when it has come up, I have reacted pretty strongly against it. One of the great aspects of St. Stephen’s has
been the self-reliance of the parishioners. But, in other congregations, let me
tell you, they do attempt to resort to triangulation quite often. And…I hear
many fellow clergy share stories in which they have found themselves trapped in
the middle of those situations.
In the past, when I have found
myself being nudged into such a situation, I finally have had to ask a
question. I, of course, tell the person:
you need to talk to this person if you have an issue with them. You’re talking to them will probably be much
more successful than my talking to them on your behalf.
But, if that doesn’t work—and it
usually doesn’t work—I ask those people: “have you tried praying for them?” And
I’m not saying, praying for them to
change, for them to be more like what you expect them to be. Have you just
prayed for them, as they are? Because when we do that, we find that maybe
nothing in that other person changes—ultimately we can’t control how other
people act or do things—but rather we
are the ones who change. We are the ones who find ourselves changing our
attitude about that person, or seeing that person from another perspective.
However it works, prayer like this
can be disconcerting and frightening. Let
me tell you. I have done it. I’ll be honest: I have had issues with people who
do not meet my own personal expectations.
But I do find that as I pray for
them, as I struggle before God about them, sometimes nothing in that other
person changes. (God also does not allow God’s self to be triangulated) But I
often find myself changing my attitude about them, even when I don’t want to.
Prayer, often, is the key. But not
controlling prayer. Rather, prayer that
allows us to surrender to God’s will. That’s
essentially what’s happening in today’s Gospel reading.
In our story we find the
Pharisee. A Pharisee was a very
righteous person. They belonged to an ultra-orthodox sect of Judaism that
placed utmost importance on a strict observance of the Law of Moses—the Torah.
The Pharisee is not praying for any
change in himself. He arrogantly brags to God about how wonderful and great he
is in comparison to others.
The tax collector—someone who was ritually
unclean according the Law of Moses— however, prays that wonderful, pure prayer
“God, be merciful to me, a sinner!”
It’s not eloquent. It’s not fancy. But
it’s honest. And it cuts right to heart of it all.
To me, in my humble opinion, that is
the most perfect prayer any of us can pray.
“God, be merciful to me, a sinner!”
It’s a prayer I have held very, very
dear for so long. And it is a prayer that had never let me down once. Prayers
for mercy are probably one of the purest and most honest prayers we can make. And what I love even more about this parable
is the fact that the prayer of the Pharisee isn’t even necessarily a bad prayer
in and of itself. I mean, there’s an
honesty in it as well.
The Pharisee is the religious one,
after all. He is the one who is doing
right according to organized religion.
He is doing what Pharisees do; he is doing the “right” thing; he is filling his
prayer with thanksgiving to God.
In fact, every morning, the
Pharisee, like all orthodox Jewish men even to this day, pray a series of “morning
blessings.” These morning blessings include petitions like
“Blessed are you, Lord God, King of
the Universe, who made me a son of Israel.”
“Blessed are you, Lord God, King of
the Universe, who did not make me a slave.”
And this petition:
“Blessed are you, Lord God, King of
the Universe, who did not make me a woman.”
So, this prayer we hear the Pharisee
pray in our story this morning is very much in line with the prayers he would’ve
prayed each morning.
Again, we should be clear: we should
all thank God for all the good things God grants us. The problem arises in the
fact that the prayer is so horribly self-righteous and self-indulgent that it
manages to cancel out the rightness of the prayer. The arrogance of the prayer essentially
renders it null and void.
The tax collector’s prayer however
is so pure. It is simple and
straight-to-the-point. This is the kind
of prayer Jesus again and again holds up as an ideal form of prayer. But what gives it its punch is that is a
prayer of absolute humility.
And humility is the key here. It gives the prayer just that extra touch. There is no doubt in our minds
as we hear this parable that God hears—and grants—this prayer, even though it
is being prayed by someone considered to be the exact opposite of the Pharisee.
Whereas the Pharisee is the
religious one, the righteous one, the tax collector, handling all that pagan
unclean money of the conquerors, is unclean. He is an outcast.
Humility really is the key. And it
is one of the things, speaking only for myself here, that I am sometimes
lacking in my own spiritual life.
But, humility is important. It is essential to us as followers of Jesus.
St. Teresa of Avila, the great
Carmelite saint, once said, “Humility, humility. In this way we let our Lord
conquer, so that [God] hears our prayer.”
I think we’re all a bit guilty of lacking humility in our own lives, certainly in our spiritual lives and in being self-righteous when it comes to sin. We all occasionally find ourselves wishing we could control and correct the shortcomings and failures of others. When a person fails miserably, or is caught in a scandal, find myself saying: “Thank God it’s them and not me.” Which is terrible of me! And maybe that’s also an honest prayer to make. Because what we also say in that prayer is that we, too, are capable of being just that guilty.
I think we’re all a bit guilty of lacking humility in our own lives, certainly in our spiritual lives and in being self-righteous when it comes to sin. We all occasionally find ourselves wishing we could control and correct the shortcomings and failures of others. When a person fails miserably, or is caught in a scandal, find myself saying: “Thank God it’s them and not me.” Which is terrible of me! And maybe that’s also an honest prayer to make. Because what we also say in that prayer is that we, too, are capable of being just that guilty.
We all have a shadow side. And maybe that’s what we’re seeing in those
people we want to correct. There’s no
way around the fact that we do have shadow sides. But the fact is, the only
sins we’re responsible for ultimately—the only people who can ultimately
control—are our own sins—not the sins of others.
We can’t pay the price of other’s
sins—only Jesus can and has done that—nor should we delight in the failings or
shortcomings of others. All we can do as Christians, sometimes, is humble
ourselves. Again and again.
Sometimes all we can do is let God
deal with a situation, or a person who drives us crazy.
God, have mercy on me, a sinner
We must learn to overlook what
others are doing sometimes. Doing so, exhausts
me. And so I don’t know why I would want
to deal with other’s issues if my own issues exhaust me.
There are too many self-righteous
Christians in the world. We
know them. They frustrate us. And they irritate us. We don’t need anymore.
What we need are more humble,
contrite Christians. We
need to be Christians who don’t see anyone as inferior to us—as charity cases
to whom we can share our wealth and privileges and whom we wish to control and
make just like us.
Rather, to paraphrase the great St. Therese of Lisieux: we should sit down with sinners, not as their benefactors but as the “most wretched of them all.”
Rather, to paraphrase the great St. Therese of Lisieux: we should sit down with sinners, not as their benefactors but as the “most wretched of them all.”
That is true humility. In our own eyes, if we carry true humility
within us, if we are our own stiffest and most objective judges, then we know
that we are the most wretched of them all and that we are in no place to
condemn others. In dealing with others, we have no other options than just
simply to love those people—fully and completely, even when they drive us
crazy.
Sin or no sin, we must simply love them and
hate our own sins. That is
what it means to be a true follower of Jesus. It is essential if we are going to truly love
those we are called by Jesus to love and it is essential to our sense of
honesty before God.
So, let us steer clear of such self-righteousness. But, in being humble, let us also not beat ourselves up and be self-deprecating. Rather, let us work to overcome our own shortcomings and rise above them. Let us look at others with pure eyes—with eyes of love. Let us not see the shortcomings and failures of others, but let us see the light and love of God permeating through them, no matter who they are. And with this perception, let us realize that all of us who have been humbled will be lifted up by God and exalted in ways so wonderful we cannot even begin to fathom them in this moment.
So, let us steer clear of such self-righteousness. But, in being humble, let us also not beat ourselves up and be self-deprecating. Rather, let us work to overcome our own shortcomings and rise above them. Let us look at others with pure eyes—with eyes of love. Let us not see the shortcomings and failures of others, but let us see the light and love of God permeating through them, no matter who they are. And with this perception, let us realize that all of us who have been humbled will be lifted up by God and exalted in ways so wonderful we cannot even begin to fathom them in this moment.