16 Pentecost

 

September 17, 2023

 

Matthew 18.21-35

 + I am going to ask you a question this morning.

 Do you have any “frienemies?”

 I’m not saying murderers or criminals or Nazis.

 I mean, do you have people who aren't quite friends but also not quite enemies?

 I think we all do.

 I know I do.

 And, I have to admit, sometimes they drive me crazy.

  I want to like them.

 But sometimes, it’s really hard.

 And sometimes—sometimes!—I just don’t want to have anything to do with them.

 I want to distance myself from them and be done with them.

 Those people who claim to be friends, but who hurt us, sometimes do so unintentionally.

 Sometimes I seem to have an inordinate amount of them in my life at times.

 So, of course, those are the people who come to mind when I read our Gospel reading for today.

 It is not my “enemies” I think of when I hear the Gospel.

 It’s my “bad” friends or “frienemies.”

 In our Gospel reading, we find Jesus challenging us on this issue.

 He is telling us, once again, maybe something we don’t want to hear.

 Today we find Jesus laying it very clearly on the line.

Peter has asked how many times he should forgive. “Seven times?” he wonders.

But Jesus says,

“Not seven times, but, I tell you, seventy-seven times.”

In other words, we must forgive those who wrong us, again and again.

Oh, yeah, he also says that if we don’t forgive the sins of others, our own sins won’t be forgiven.

I’ll get into that in a minute.

But back to this whole forgiving seventy-seven times:

It has taken me a long time to learn the power of this radical kind of forgiveness.

 And it has not been easy for me!

 But, the problem here is that, as hard it is for me with my bad friends and with this radical forgiveness, I have to remember something very important.

 I have been, at times, a bad friend to someone.

 I have been a “frienemy.”

 Probably to too many people.

 I am the person who sometimes has caused issues.

 I am the person that has caused those people distance themselves from me in turn.

 And I have to own that.

 I have to face the fact that what I do matters to others and to God.

 Being a jerk to people has consequences.

 And, I realize, on top of all that, I still retain the wrongs that I felt had been done to me and I cannot  sometimes get around what had been done to me.

 I harbor sometimes real anger at people—and not righteous anger, you know, like toward Nazis.

 Petty, selfish anger.

 And all this causes me to be in a state of almost constant war and conflict with those people, whether they are aware of it or not (most of them are not).

 I am not proud to admit any of this—to myself or to anyone else.

 But, I am a fallible human being, like everyone else here this morning.

All this led me to another sobering thought.

A few weeks ago I preached about being a life-long pacifist.

Being a pacifist is something I am very proud of in my life. 

My pacifism, at least at this point in my life, is anchored squarely in our Baptismal Covenant in which we promise, with God’s help, to “strive for justice and peace among all people.”

I have tried very hard to live that out in my life—all my life.

I have been very quick to speak out and protest wars and invasions.

I have no problem standing up and saying “no” to wars that happen “over there.”

But to be a true pacifist, to be a true seeker after peace, we all must cultivate peace in our midst.

When we say that we will “strive for justice and peace among all people,” that means us individually as well.

We must be peaceful in what we do and say.

And peace begins with respect for others.

Peace begins with responding to God’s commandment to love others as we love ourselves.

Which bring sus to that whole thing Jesus about our own sins not being forgiven if we don’t forgive others “from the heart.”

What’s going on with that?

Is Jesus telling us that God doesn’t forgive us?

I thought God loved us.

Well, what I think Jesus is really getting at is that our relationship with God is hindered if we have barriers in that relationship.

And one of the barriers in our relationship with God is us carrying around anger and frustration and a refusal to forgive others.

 And when we do that, when we carry around our anger, our refusal to forgive, we are at war.

Now, you might say “war” is a strong word here.

But let me tell you, it sure ain’t peace!

I hate to admit it, but I am often at war with myself.

And that war often either stems from or overflows into my relationships and the world around me.

If we are truly going to be seekers after peace, we must start by making peace with ourselves.

We must actually forgive—in some way—those who have wronged us.

If not, we lose.

Not the person we’re mad at.

More often than not, they could care less that we’re mad at them.

They’re not losing sleep over the wrongs they’ve done to us.

They’re not feeling guilt over it.

And that drives us crazier than anything!

So, we are the ones in turmoil over what they have done to us.

We can’t make anyone feel anything.

And we can’t make anyone apologize to us or make right the wrongs they have doen to us.

We can’t control others.

But we can control ourselves and how we respond to what others do to us.

I use a phrase often: when someone wrongs us and we refuse to forgive, we are just letting them live rent-free in our heads.

We are allowing them to live there.

And trust me they do.

And when someone wrongs us and we carry around all that pain and suffering, we are the ones who suffer.

Deeply.

How are we going to have any meaningful, loving relationship with God or others, or ourselves, when we are carrying all of these terrible, negative things within us?

We can’t.

We must forgive.

Even when it hurts.

Even when we really don’t want to.

Even when doing so is an admission of defeat.

But, it isn’t defeat.

It’s ultimate victory.

I forgive, and by doing so, I evict those people from residing in my mind.

It doesn’t undo the wrongs.

It doesn’t even make everything right all the time.

But it does allow me to say I have no hindrance between them and God and myself.

So, you might be saying, I get it, Father Jamie.

I can do that.

But. . .

That’s not all.

It’s not only about forgiving others.

It’s also about forgiving one very important person in our lives—probably the most important in our lives—outside of God of course.

Our selves.

We must also learn to forgive ourselves seventy times seven.

We must learn to forgive ourselves too.

Because let me tell you, not forgiving ourselves also is a hindrance in our relationship with God and others.

Seeing ourselves as God’s own beloved in this world is often the hardest thing of all.

We tend to hate ourselves, or despise ourselves more than we hate or despise others.

So, we must strive for justice and peace among all people, even ourselves.

We must respect the dignity of every human being, even our own being.

How do we do that?

Well, as followers of Jesus we must actually grant forgiveness to those who have wronged us in whatever way.

That is what all of us, as baptized Christians, are called to do.

In a practical way, we can just simply their name and say, “So and so, child of God, beloved of God, I forgive you.”

And mean it.

Deeply.

And when we do, we are truly freed.

Sometimes, if we are fortunate, we may be able to forgive some of these people to their face.

More often than not, we never get that chance.

On very rare occasions, those people will come to us in repentance asking for forgiveness.

But more often than not, they will never ask for our forgiveness.

And they probably will not change their behavior.

Which brings me to one side note:

Forgiveness does not equal taking abuse from others.

We can forgive what people have done, but we are not called to just go back to old ways of abuse.

If someone has abused us physically or emotionally or psychologically, we must protect ourselves and not allow that behavior to continue.

But we can still forgive even those people.

Forgiving does not mean forgetting.

But forgiving does mean that when we forgive them—they are forgiven.

It is just that powerful!

When we forgive, those wrongs done against us are forgiven.

What we loose on earth—what we let go of, what we forgive on earth—is truly loosed in heaven.

And when we realize that, we then must move on.

We must allow true peace—that peace that we, as baptized Christians, strive for—we must allow that peace to settle into our hearts and uproot any lingering anger or frustration that still exists there.

We must allow that peace to finish the job of forgiveness.

This is what it means to forgive.

This is what it means to forgive again and again—even seventy-seven times, or a hundred and seventy-seven times, or seven hundred and seventy-seven times.

And, I stress, we must forgive ourselves too!

We sometimes have to forgive ourselves of the wrongs we have committed against ourselves and others.

When I talked earlier about allowing the anger and the pettiness in my life to control my life, in those moments, I was wronging my own self.

I failed myself in those moments.

And often, when we fail ourselves, we wallow in that failure.

We beat ourselves up.

We torture ourselves unduly.

Let me tell you, I have done it on many occasions.

But in those moments, there is no peace in my heart either.

I am allowing the war against myself to rage unabated within me.

Only when we are able to finally forgive ourselves, will we be able to allow true peace to come into our lives.

And while I have forgiven others many times, the only one I have ever had to forgive seventy times and much, much more is myself.

And again, it is as easy as saying to myself, “Jamie, child of God, loved by God, I forgive you” and to allow that absolution to do its job of absolving—of taking away the wrongs I have done.

So, let us forgive.

Let us forgive others.

Let us forgive ourselves.

And in doing so, let us let God’s peace settle into our hearts and our lives.

And let that peace transform us—once and always—into the person God truly desires us to be.